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How to restore messages to Outlook Express's Inbox - and live a happier, more righteous life

By Andrew Pollack on 09/24/2003 at 09:48 PM EDT

Having recovered data from a hard disk for a family member recently, I sent a CDROM along that contained all the data from her directory in the "Documents and Settings" location on that drive. I just got an email asking if I could also find the messages and folders from the MS Outlook Express to restore those as well. I decided to have fun with it......

step 1 - Admit that you are powerless over Microsoft Outlook Express

step 2 - Insert the cd I gave you into your cdrom drive

step 3 - Come to believe that a power higher than us can help us to overcome Outlook Express

step 4 - Open outlook express

step 5 - Make a decision to turn your power and life over to Bill Gates and Microsoft Corporation

step 6 - Select your inbox

step 7 - Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being that you enjoy some of the spam you get.

step 8 - Select the pull down "FILE" then "Import" then "Messages"

step 9 - Humbly ask Windows to help with Outlook Express

step 10 - In the dialog box, select "Microsoft Outlook Express 6"

step 11 - Make a list of all people you have harmed by using Outlook Express, and apologize

step 12 - Click Next

step 13 - Make a direct amends to such people, except where it may cause them harm or it is unwelcome

step 14 - select "Import mail from an OE6 stored directory, then click "OK"

step 15 - Continue to take personal inventory, and when you delete a file in error, admit it.

step 16 - click "BROWSE" and find the directory on the CDROM called:
"\Local Settings\Application Data\Identities\{8NNNNNE-CC6D-4CAD-B348-519708XXXZZZ06}\Microsoft\Outlook Express"

step 17 - Continue to seek Microsoft Software, as you understand it, and keep your patches and fixes up to date

step 18 - Click Next

step 19 - Take each day as it comes, concentrating only on having a good mail experience on that day

step 20 - select "All folders" and click Next

step 21 - Pray each week to the alter of "Windows Update" and "Norton Antivirus" and make sure to be diligent in those prayers (and payments).

step 22 - let it run to completion

step 20 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, pass these instructions along to others having trouble with Microsoft Outlook express.

Step 21 - Click "Finish"

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