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The Republican Party Belief System

By Andrew Pollack on 09/21/2006 at 01:41 PM EDT

This was sent to me the other day, it's funny. If someone has one crafted as well to make fun of the Democrats, send it and I'll post that too.
WHAT YOU NEED TO BELIEVE TO VOTE REPUBLICAN

  1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hated of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
  2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a we cant find Bin Laden diversion.
  3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
  4. The United States should get out of the United Nations and our highest priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
  5. A woman cant be trusted with decisions about her body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
    without regulation.
  6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans benefits and combat pay.
  7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents wont have sex.
  8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
  9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
  10. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
  11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
  12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
  13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
  14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are a conservative radio host. Then its an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
  15. Support Executive Privilege for every Republican ever born, who will be born, or who might be born (in perpetuity).
  16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 80s is irrelevant.
  17. Support hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

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Here's a related link I thought funny...By on 09/21/2006 at 11:31 PM EDT
http://www.thefrown.com/player.php?/frowners/becomerepublican


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